Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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