Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize