Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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