I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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