It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
