I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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