she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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