they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
