I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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