I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
