i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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