She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
