I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
