So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
