imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
