I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
