why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
