Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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