I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
