my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
