yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
