Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
