My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
