Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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