At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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