is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
