i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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