I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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