i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
