Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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