ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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