He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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