I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
