wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
