Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
