Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
