god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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