I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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