oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
