Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
