I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
