Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
