Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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