It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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