I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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