I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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