I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
