I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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