i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
