We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found the puke drawer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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