If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
