Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
