I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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