There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize