my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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