It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
