Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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