I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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