Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
