Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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