I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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