im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
