What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fuck appropriateness.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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