Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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