I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
