My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize