god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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