you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
