3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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