The maid of honor just puked.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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