Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
