he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
