My friends, they love my intelligence
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
