So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
