I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
