Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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