You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
