well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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