i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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