Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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