Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
