I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it's like iHOP with fire
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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