dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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