you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
