Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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