And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
