You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
