I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
