Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
