my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize