I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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