Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
