so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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