Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
