How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
