Don't you send me to vm
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
