Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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