a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
