YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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