Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
