He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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