in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize