dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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