The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
