im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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