Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
