I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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