In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
