At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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