He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
