How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize