i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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