My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize