Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
