Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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